Sunday, July 20, 2008

Open Heart Surgery

Mid-summer means Wisdom Fest at my church and the series this summer is called Open Heart Surgery. Yikes...painful but effective. I was unfortunate to miss last week, but I was home today and listened to a sermon about broken hearts--in the biblical sense.

"The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18 (ESV)

I can be prone to the "bad" kind of brokenness. That kind of broken heart which is defined by distress as opposed to humility. The kind where you find yourself thinking, "Seriously, God, I've been could you please make it go away now?" instead of just trusting.

It is so easy for me to clickity-clackity type away about trusting God and resting on His promises. However, like so many things, it is not as easy for me to live this out in real life. Theoretically, I know how to drive a straight drive. Theoretically, I know how to do a triple slide in my swing out. Theoretically, I know how to completely trust in God.

But when I run into things that are hard, do I always trust? Do I really give up my issues to God and let Him hold the reigns and take control? Or do I just let Him have some of the control because, really, it is a little too hard to relinquish.

I cannot do this on my own. Sometimes, life hurts. What am I going to do when it does? Am I going to try to figure it out and, when I inevitably cannot make magic happen, get distressed and frustrated? Or, maybe, should I just hold out my hands and freaking let go.

I need to stop trying to weasel my life to what I want and live it with the knowledge that He really is in control. It is a pride thing, you know, thinking that I can solve problems all on my own. I think I say this a lot. But it is mostly because I need to hear it a lot. It can lead to idolatry in me, particularly, idolizing the things I want to make happen. I am fooling myself if even subconsciously I think these things will make me happy.

I have played myself for a fool. But the Lord will not ignore my pleas for help. He hears my cries and welcomes me in.

Yay :)


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