Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Currently listening to:

Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen) set to music by Baz Luhrmann originally penned by Mary Schmich

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind...the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can...don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own...

Dance...even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen...

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Uungh, I hated that song. I'm glad they don't play it on the radio any more. I think Chris Rock did a spoof of it....

Anonymous said...

I think that one started with the line "Ladies and Gentleman of the GED class of 1998...."

Anonymous said...

Yep, here are the lyrics. I like this one better!

Ladies and Gentlemen of the G. E. D. class of 1999,
No matter what a stripper tells you,
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room!

Dont go to parties with metal detectors.
Sure, It may feel safe inside,
But what about all those (BEEP) waitin outside with guns,
They Know You Aint Got One!

If a girl tells you shes 20, and looks 16, shes 12.
If she tells you shes 26, and looks 26, Shes Dam Near 40!

Take off that silly @$$ hat.

The ODB couldnt have possibly committed all those crimes.
Coolio did some of that (Sh!t) STUFF

Young black men:
If your at a movie theater, and someone steps on your foot,
Let it slide!
Theres no use going to jail for 20 years b-cuz
Someone Smudged Your Puma!

Cornbread-Aint nothin wrong with that!

No matter what you think of what I'm sayin,
I want you to remember this one thing:
No matter what a stripper tells you,
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room!
(That guy starts singin)
No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!

If a homeless person has a funny sign,
He hasnt been homeless that long.
A real homeless person is too hungry to be funny.

If a girl has a pierced tongue,
She'll probably suck your (BEEP)!
(That'd Be Nice, Yeaaaah!)
If a guy has a pierced tongue,
He'll probably suck your (BEEP)
(Dont want that Noooooo!)

Heres a horoscope for everyone:
Aquarius-Your Gonna Die!
Capricorn-Your Gonna Die!
Gemini-Your Gonna Die TWICE! (Me!)
Leo-Your Gonna Die!
Scorpio-Your Gonna Die!

No one goes to Hooters for wings.

If you've been dating a guy for 4 months,
And you havent met any of his friends yet,
You Are Not His Girlfriend!

Some of the stuff I have said may offend you
Some of the stuff I have said may not apply to you.
But no matter who you are, (Bill Clinton)
You must remember this one thing:
No matter what a stripper tells you,
There Is No Sex In The Champagne Room! NONE!

No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room!
Cant get none, Nooooo!
Cant have none, Nooooo!
No Sex In The Champagne Room,
No Sex In The Champagne Room

Tiffany Anne said...

Haha, I remember seeing that video on MTV

Anonymous said...

Gosh, you must have been about 15ish at that time. I was already done with high school and should have been finishing up college.

The best way to describe how long ago that was is that MTV still had videos on. They haven't done that for years...

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